I am an anxious person. To an extent it has always been there, been a part of who I am.
There have been times in the past where it’s been exacerbated; and other times, it isn’t as bad.
I’d thought I’d been getting better with it. There is something about finding your confidence and finding people you are comfortable with.
I am shy by default. I feel I am socially awkward. I am an over-thinker. I care what you think of me.
I write things much better than the way I speak them. Sometimes I feel I should not say anything at all, because it will not translate verbally from how it sounds in my head.
But I still want you to know me. I still want to connect. More often than not, I would rather sit and listen to your stories, get to know who you are.
I have trouble talking about myself. Who am I, really?
I don’t really want to take up any of your time. I would rather just listen. I tend to hide behind writing. But maybe I need to start telling myself it’s ok, that people do want to know about who you are.
I want to get better at expressing myself in person. My thoughts and stories tend to whiz off on different tangents, and it’s hard sometimes to condense those down verbally, stay on track. When I speak I get stressed and I need to remember it’s ok to slow down, choose my words, and think out what I want to say. I don’t want to misrepresent myself. I want to be clear, succinct.
I don’t want anxiety to be a barrier anymore. I don’t want to freeze up, I don’t want to run. I want to be present, and I want to do better.
I want to tell you my stories. I want people to hear them. And I want you to know who I am.
And that’s all a bit scary to say. But really it’s all ok.